New Year Resolutions Even You Can Keep
January 5, 2018 4:42PM AKST
It’s a new year and a clean slate. I’ve tried setting New Year Resolutions over the years. Most of the time, I blow them before February. Not this year! Here are a few resolutions I’m going to have no problem keeping! Please feel free to keep these for yourself:
- Start washing my hands after I use the restroom.
- Stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth.
- Stop licking frozen flag poles.
- Stop bringing my cell phone to bed.
- Stream more movies using my neighbor’s WIFI
- Go back to school to avoid paying my student loans.
- Only eat white snow.
- Spend less than $1825 for coffee at Starbucks this year.
- Claim my dog Buddy as a dependent on my taxes
- Stop trying to make SIRI say cuss words at work
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